Colour tattoo of Kodos, the green one-eyed alien from The Simpsons, with tentacles and the words 'Don't blame me I voted for Kodos' above, on a thigh.

Kodos from The Simpsons with lettering on a thigh

Traditional · Thigh · Colour · Photo

A green one-eyed alien, Kodos from The Simpsons, sits inside a pale tube with its tentacles curling out to either side and an orange glow behind it. Bold black lettering above reads 'Don't blame me I voted for Kodos', with red strike-through lines across parts of the wording. Bold outlines and flat fills in green, orange and red are combined with soft shading, and the design is centred on the skin.

Traditional Lettering Thigh Alien Tentacle Flame Lettering Cartoon character

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A story inspired by this tattoo · fiction

The cargo ship Marjorie Tern had been four weeks out of Valparaíso when the thing in the water tank started counting the crew. Bosun Anselm Greave found it at the grease trap, a one-eyed green creature no longer than his forearm, its tentacles folded like wet laundry. Nobody knew how it had come aboard, only that it had a voice like a rusted hinge and a habit of smiling with too many teeth.

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The captain called a vote. Eleven hands went up for keeping it in the old glass tube from the chart room, and twelve for tipping it over the rail. The cook, Pilar Osmund, abstained on the grounds that she had already named it Dinner. The creature listened to all of this with its single orange eye, then unscrewed the tube's lid with two patient tentacles and climbed onto the chart table.

'I have counted your ballots,' it said, in a voice that carried better than any officer's. 'Twelve against me. Nine of you owe the purser money, four have sweethearts in port who would not miss you, and the cook has been skimming the sugar. Vote again, and I will tell the chief engineer which of you set fire to his pipe tobacco.' Nobody moved. Greave, who had voted twice, looked hard at his boots.

They sailed on with the creature as ship's clerk. It kept the books honest, which was worse for everyone, and when the Marjorie Tern made landfall in Liverpool the harbour master found a tidy list on the manifest written in green ink. Beneath it, in the same neat hand, was a single line: Don't blame me. I only counted.