Traditional-style tattoo on an arm showing a grey hat with a black ribbon and a small red rose, with the words UGH and AS IF above and below.

Hat and rose with UGH AS IF lettering

Traditional · Forearm · Mixed · Photo

The tattoo shows a grey, shaded hat-like shape with a black ribbon band wrapped around it and a small red rose tucked into the ribbon. The phrase UGH... above and AS IF. below are set in black serif-style lettering. The bold black outlines and flat colour fills give it a classic traditional look, with the grey shading on the hat and the red rose as the only colour.

Traditional Lettering Forearm Hat Rose Ribbon Lettering Text

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A story inspired by this tattoo · fiction

The hat was still on the parapet when I unlocked the gate at nine, perched on the crenellation as if someone had paused mid-sentence. Grey silk gone soft at the brim, a black ribbon knotted round the band, and a red rose pushed through the knot with its stem snapped short. Nobody leaves a hat on a castle wall by accident. Somebody wants you to climb up and fetch it, and that somebody was Gideon Pryce, who had spent three Saturdays asking me to take tea with him in the roofless chapel.

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Ugh, I told the gulls. As if. I'd explained that the chapel had no roof, no kettle and no chairs, and that proposing among the nettles was the sort of romance that ends in tetanus. He kept coming anyway, sweeping his hat off to the ticket booth like a man in a costume drama and reciting Keats under his breath until I threatened him with the postcards.

I climbed the spiral stair with the hat under my arm, expecting a ring box or a sonnet tucked in the crown. Instead there was a single folded ticket for the 9.40 to Shrewsbury, dated the day after tomorrow, with his name crossed out in pencil and mine written underneath. The rose had wilted in the damp, but its red had bled into the ribbon like a bruise.

I put the hat on, rose and all, and stood on the wall until the wind found the holes in my jumper. Below, the ticket hut sat empty, the gate swung open on its hinges, and the nettles bent in the direction he had gone.