Close-up of a hand and forearm with the words IGNORE ALL PROBLEMS in brown block lettering on the inner forearm, against a white background.

Ignore all problems slogan on a forearm

Lettering · Forearm · Colour · Photo

A hand is raised with the palm angled towards the camera, showing the inner forearm near the wrist. The words IGNORE ALL PROBLEMS are set in two lines of plain, condensed capital letters in a single brownish tone. The subject sits on a plain white background, which keeps the focus on the lettering and the skin.

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A story inspired by this tattoo · fiction

The mole had been tunnelling under the broad beans for three weeks before Mrs Aldous thought to ask the gardener what he meant to do about it. Tobias Fenn only shrugged and pointed at the board nailed above the potting shed door, where he had painted, in plain brown letters that never quite dried, the same two lines his grandfather had used: IGNORE ALL PROBLEMS.

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In that village, problems were understood to be wanderers. The frost came up the lane each October with its hands in its pockets, asking after the apples. The blight wrote letters. A problem that was looked at, Fenn said, grew a proper shape, and a shape could be argued with, so he simply did not look. He hoed the bean rows straight. He watered the leeks on Tuesdays. When the mole pushed up through the lettuce, he picked the lettuce and fed it to the hens.

Mrs Aldous was not persuaded. She took a jam jar of wood ash and a spoon down to the shed, and found the mole sitting on the path, small and bored, waiting for someone to notice it. Fenn stepped round it without a glance, and the mole, having no one to frighten, went off to see about someone else's marrows.

By the next spring nobody in the lane could say quite when it had left. The lettering on the board had faded to the colour of strong tea. Fenn kept it up anyway, because the frost was coming, and when it arrived that October with its hands in its pockets and asked after the apples, he put the kettle on and said nothing at all.

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